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“Where is she?” Sanyogita had come back with a packet.  Disha stopped laughing and gathered herself.  Ravi’s face hardened.  Bhanu, still grinning gestured at the room.

“Oh! Is she ok?” Sanyogita asked with concerned.  “Oh! Yes...!” Disha said giggling, still very high.  Sanyogita showed the packet.  “Gift for her...!” she said airily.   Disha tried to take it seeing the Swarovski label.  

“Dhatri is not here...!” Bhanu declared before Disha could touch it.

“Yeah... not here!” Disha said grinning at Bhanu.  Sanyogita sat by Saya’s side leaning on him.  Ravi looked away frustrated.  

“Umm....” Salil didn’t know how to open the topic.  But Bhanu came to his rescue.

“Yeah.. Uncle..! I mean... tomorrow.. We need to...” He looked at Disha and she came to her senses.

“Yeah... I need to report to duty..” she said tentatively.  Sayajirao just nodded reasonably.  Ravi felt a knot.  The house was full with happiness and gaiety...! The gala time was over..! Sanyogita’s eyes flashed.  

“Umm... Uncle.. I mean.. Papa will...” Disha stuttered.  Salil took it from there...!

“I will stay with Disha and Bhanu for a week and then I must return...” he said easing out the tension.  Sayajirao sighed.  He wanted them to stay for some more... but he was reasonable enough.  He just nodded looking down...! Ravi looked towards his room.

“What will Dhaa do?” he didn’t know.  “Let her father handle it...” he decided not to wake her up and tell...! 

******  ****  ***

“What?” Dhaa asked with a pale face.  Salil placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Dhaa... I will be at Disha’s place.  You don’t have to worry...! Its a question of only five hours, Dhaa... I will be here in a jiffy, if you need me!” he pulled her and patted on her back.  She looked up miserably and then nodded, understandingly.  After all, she must stay in her rightful place...Her husband’s house... Alone...!! She looked away pressing her lips, swallowing her sob.  The catch in her throat trapped her breath.  She moved away.  Salil dropped his shoulders.  Sanyogita, watching this drama came forward and placing her hand on Dhatri’s head said...

“We will take care of her, don’t worry..!” Dhatri stepped away.  Sayajirao glanced awkwardly. 

“Eii.... Don’t worry... Baahoo will be happy here!” Mrs. Russel came in with the packets and Sayajirao felt relief.  Handing over the packets to Disha, he said... “A small gift from Ravi!” Sanyogita’s eyes spit fire!.

“Gifts? To these beggars?” she frowned.  

“What did they give in return?” she was burning with jealousy. 

“Yeah…! Keep them securely, Disha, they are costly gifts..!” she said as if she had bought them.    Salil looked up at the pile of gifts and said…!

“It will be difficult to carry all these things.  We have our luggage packed.  He looked helplessly at Disha.  She withdrew her hand and straightened herself up.

“Yes…! Some other time, Uncle! Sorry!” she said apologetically faking a smile hiding her disappointment.  Opening the gifts was tempting.  She wanted to know what her sister’s in laws had gifted.  

“No problem! I will arrange to send them across to you Bhanu!” he said brightly, hiding his disappointment that the gifts were turned down.  

*********  ***********  *********

A week into her married life and Salil had gone back, Dhatri had nothing to do literally except flipping through the pages of books from the huge library, finding nothing interesting… and playing some stupid video games of violence and maze cracking.  She tried gardening, messing it up more.  Ravi had a herculean task ahead of his case.  He was on probation pending his case.Everyday, he came home late in the night to find her fast asleep, pushing him away, when he tried to wake her up..! 

Sanyogita avoided her like plague. 

“Humm…” Dhatri sat on the sofa gazing the carpet design, counting the dots on the design. 

“Eii… Baahoo…” She looked up to Mrs. Russel with hope.

“Enii… Can you please help me in the kitchen?” she asked awkwardly.  Dhatri got up excitedly.

“Yeah.. Tell me!” she said entering into the kitchen.  That was the only respite for her.  She could help..! 

******  *****  *****

Five days into this gruesome, macabre exit interview, Rini went through the hell again and again.  There seemed no end to this exit interview.  “this is taking more time than my recruitment...” She thought with an urge to run away....! 

“This is not me! I am somebody else..! Rini can’t be running away...!” she slapped herself but the thought of she being somebody else was so strong, it just swept away everything else in her mind.  Irrationality took over..! She was not Rini, She was someone else...! They did something to her in her captivity and she had lost her identity.  She was mehrunnisa... not Rini Dixit!

“I just want to quit!” she had had enough! The lady at the other end of the table sighed looking into Rini’s file.  

Rini had arrived at the command office five days back and was directed to the Military accounts department.  Her accounts were ready with up to date data.  She signed the papers and her file was forwarded to the next level.  She waited for the next appointment.  Lt. Gn. Singh wished to see her before she left finally.  She accepted his invitation.  

She was made to recount all the incidents with every detail once again.  Often she said pointing at the reports in their hands, saying... “I have given everything in writing, Sir!” politely.  But all the nine members insisted that she told them everything again and again.  Her frustration and tolerance levels reached a new high every time she was asked to give an account of her mission with every minute detail.  Two days into this grilling and finally the commander said...!

“Ms. Dixit, do you know, you are due for promotion and your resignation would set aside every benefit you accurde..?” She gaped pitying her officer.

“Yes, Sir!” she said nervously.  “This means you are not eligible even for your pension...!” he said the same thing she had heard again and again that she would lose all her benefits as Ex serviceman.  She was not at all interested in any kind of benefits...! 

“And you were strongly recommended for Sena Medal...! But...” he looked up at her pale face.  She had earned it, damn it! The catch in her heart rendered her breathless.  She chocked. 

“You would have been the first Lt. to achieve this...!” Commander went ahead.  She looked down.  

“Do you want to reconsider?” he asked finally and she shook her head forgetting the protocol.  She should have voiced it.

“Dismiss...!” The other panel members got up to go.  She saluted and went out turning her back on everyone with heavy heart.   

“I know, anyway, I will be relieved from my duties as I have already resigned... Why this farce of exit interview? What are they trying to achieve?” She was hurt with the treatment she was given.  No one had talked to her sympathetically.  

“Humm.. This is what happens when you put down your papers...!” she blurted bitterly.  Everyone was so insensitive, indifferent...! She felt being alienated... isolated from her second self...! Sence of losing her pride, stabbed her...! 

“Why can’t they understand what I feel leaving this job? Its not easy for me...” she gasped...! Her next round was with some Col. Gomez..! She had not heard of him before.  She shrugged...It won’t make any difference to her! It wasn’t of any value for her, now! For her, it was over! She only waited for her relieving letter and handing over her badge of a serviceman (woman in her case).  But this exit interview seemed to be a never ending process...! 

She had met none of her team mates from the mission.  “Where were they?” She didn’t know! 

********   ********

She sat upright in the leather chair infront of a person who introduced himself as Col. Gomez. 

“Can you recount, your mission…?” he asked the same question and she lost the grip.

“This is the seventh time I am reporting … Sir!” she said bitterly.  

“I know! But I want you to walk me through once again..!” she shrugged frustratedly and started narrating her assignment from the minute she was handed over the letter and her file….! He heard her patiently without interrupting her.  She gave the same recount seventh time….! This time she was more composed while describing the incidents and what she went through, how the women were brainwashed in the named of jehad, how they were raped, those who had cold feet were brutally killed before the other women, how the bodies were mutilated, how some of them were stripped naked for days together as punishment, how the young girls were desecrated…! Everything, every detail she said with literally no emotions… she was hardened…! Death meant nothing for her now…! She had seen and experienced hell… beyond death…! 

“This is it!” She concluded clasping her palms in each other.  Col. Gomez stared at her intently and then slid a file before her.  She looked up questioningly…!

“Your team in the mission…!” he said.  She didn’t touch the file as he had pulled it back.

“What does he mean, my team?” she was confused.  She waited.

“How do you feel now, after telling me about your mission?” he asked, in a strange kind voice, which didn’t suit his appearance.  She had expected some reprimand looking at his huge appearance.  She was apprehensive, actually, when she had entered his chamber.  

“I was recounting it the seventh time, sir!” she said with resentment.  He nodded actually smiling. 

“How do you feel, after telling me the seventh time?” he stressed upon ‘seventh time’

“Nothing…!” she said plainly.  He smiled.

“And when you narrated it for the first time?” she winced with the memory.  She had broken down in tremors experiencing the ordeal again…! 

“It was like reliving the hell!” she said looking up.

“Did you give your report in writing?” he asked and she nodded suddenly feeling him to be informal.  

"It was difficult to describe ...!" She went on telling her experience while giving the report in writing.  It was beyond hell as she had to give vivid description with crude sketches of the terrain, and locations...!

 

"And when you recounted it the fifth time?” he asked. 

“Is he kidding me?” she looked up angrily but he was serious.  

“Tell me, every time when you recounted, what was your feeling…!” he said leaning forward, keeping his hands on the table.  She sank back into the plush leather chair, not knowing where this interview was heading.  Then as she started thinking about the narration every time, she felt strangely calm.  Every time she had narrated… she was becoming harder..! And, the seventh time she was narrating as if she was telling a story of someone else, as if narrating a horror movie and not her experience.

“How many times, did you change your identity?” he asked and she counted…!

Indian Armed forces personnel for the rescue operation, American-asian tourist, and mehrunnissa from Lahore, turned terrorist…!

“Every time you were given your official papers, right?” he asked in a tone of interrogation..!

“Yes, Sir!” she said sitting upright with apprehension. 

“Your statement will go into your service book…!” he warned her.  She merely nodded.

“We though women have a keen attention to details…! You failed the test, Lt. Dixit!” he accused.

“No Sir!” she said firmly.  I did not miss out on any details Sir!” she said forcefully..!

******    *****