183

"Don't worry, every first experience of this warlike trauma ends up in resignation ..." Col. Gomez said soothingly seeing both Salil and Nilima in shock.  They didn't know she had resigned. 

"Salil... We will take her home..! I can't see her like this...!" Nilima sobbed and Salil nodded. 
"Yes.. we are taking her back... Please accept her resignation..." Salil pleaded by Col. Gomez shook his head.

"Every person going through war like trauma goes through this condition of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... All the sixteen members have gone through this.. Those who were experienced in such missions, have recovered already and joined their duty.  This is expected from the first timers.  Special care is being taken for them...! You don't have to worry...!" Assured Col. Gomez.  Salil shook his head dejected.

"No, Sir...! I can't bear her anguish.  I just want to take her home...!" he said with determination.  Col. Gomez smiled.  "It is not her anguish, its just the pain of the scar the trauma and sufferring left behind..." he said confidently and then said...

"The therapy will bring her back to normal soon...She is a strong officer...!" Salil looked away dejected.  Col Gomez was considerate.  He looked at the civilian couple sympathetically.
"Poor souls, can't bear the anguish of their daughter... She is the daughter of the nation first...! They should know, what a Army family goes through...!" he thought gazing at Vinit.  Vinit gave a nod understandingly.

"Be here with her for a couple of days..." he concluded the meeting and Vinit with Rini's parents came out.  They still were oblivious to her HIV report. 
Rini, oblivious to all this, sat on the bed pondering over the incidents, relieved that her parents are with her, no matter what happens to her..!

*******  ********  ******
"Damn this..! What is she doing here?" He gritted his teeth, mutterring under his breath, seeing Sanyogita in the house.

"Son..." she hugged him happily.  He just move away from her after a moment.  Dhatri stepped into the house.  Sanyogita glared at her.

"Something must be wrong with this couple.." She thought glancing at Dhatri disdainfully.  From no angle this Indian girl was a match to her handsome boy. 

"Aiinn Baahoo...!" Mrs. Russel greeted them happily. 
"What is she doing here, Mrs. Russel?" he asked angrily and before Mrs. Russel could open her mouth Sanyogita said cheerfully.

"Oh! Sonny... Saya had to go on his business trip and requested me to stay on... You know.. I couldn't say No...! After all...."
"Enough..." he boomed exploding his pent-up frustration.  She looked taken aback and then collecting herself, said in a calmer voice...

"Oh! Come on....! Saya asked me to stay... But I guess you don't want me here...! Ok! I will book my ticket once he returns..." she said dismissively and moved towards the guest room.  Ravi looked at Mrs. Russel questioningly.  She looked away not knowing what to answer. 

Immediately after Ravi and Dhatri left for Lincoln, Sayajirao planned his business trip to Florida....! Sanyogita voluntarily offerred to stay till his return and as usual he couldn't say No...! She stayed on, making a big favor...! Sayajirao called up Ravi everyday giving him the details of his business trip... Just that he didn't speak a word about Sanyogita for the fear that Ravi would get upset...!

Dhatri sat on Sofa relaxed.  He had not spoken a word in their return journey.  She was used to not talking to anyone for days together.  But Ravi's silence was a big blow to her.  She knew he was upset at her outburst.  But she was helpless...She couldn't get on to his mood.  She felt guilty....!

Guilt was eating him alive...! It was a big setback for him.  He had rushed through and she had thrown him out...! He carried the luggage inside and opening the bags, arranged her things neatly along with his.  Neatness was his big plus point.  His things were always organized.  She was as messy as it could get.  Her sisters always used to get her things sorted out...! She was never used to be organized herself. 
Mrs. Russel brought in tea for her and she looked up at only one mug.  Ravi came out and took out a coke can from the refrigerator.  She looked away awkwardly.  She should have given him the can... she thought.  He sat on the chair away from her.  The distance was visible....!

"Dad is coming tomorrow...!" he said and Mrs. Russel nodded.  Dhatri felt relieved.  Mrs. Russel glanced at the couple saying...
"aaainn... I am going out.." He just nodded.  Dhatri gazed at the design of the carpet. 

"What am I supposed to do?" she didn't know.  She got up and went into the room to be surprised that the things were arranged so neatly. 

"Humm... Ravi...!" she turned the nob of the shower....! "I should also do something for him..." but she didn't know what!! There was a knock on the door.
"Dhatri...!" he tapped and she turned off the shower.
"I am going out.  Will be back by evening...!" he said and she turned on the shower again.
"Humm..." she felt sad....

He was out on his Hurley Davidson... riding aimlessly, cursing himself...! He had hurt her beyond redemption... He had taken her for granted... !
"But She was responding..." his heart cried out... For a long time he kept on riding on the freeway.... as the sunset engulfed darkness he turned...! He must go back to his home... Dhatri was alone...!

She was pacing the room restlessly... Her insecurities haunted her, making her mind venomous....! Her manipulative mind overwhelmed with the possibilities....!

"This girl....!" she clenched her fists... "Must be eliminated...!" She concluded...! Her calculative mindset weighed the pros and cons of her plan... ! Smirk appeared on her face.  she had done it before... many times...! She always managed to get what she wanted....snatching it from the one who had it.  She was a predator, choosy in picking up her pray...! leaving no traces behind only disaster, shattered minds and mourning surroundings...! Smirk changed into smile.. a wicked smile...! She closed her eyes relaxing on the armchair...!

"Maa.... " Kalindi was crying her heart out... ! Maa came in and gauged the scenario...She glanced at Sanyogita...!

"Maa... She.. she ... threw my snowy into the pit..." Kalindi sobbed harder...

"Oh! That piece of shit...! " Sanyogita spat disdainfully throwing up her nose..!
"It was my puppy..." Kalindi protested.

"Shut up... You! Another piece of shit..! Look at you... Ugly duckling...!" Sanyogita punched in her stomach.  Kalindi groaned painfully.  Maa twisted her lip and looked at Kalindi.

"Its ok.  She doesn't like pets... why do you want to irk her?" Kalindi got a reprimand.  She tried to protest...!

"But.. Maa... I had kept it in my room.  She sneaked in and threw it from the window...!"
"Oh! Come on... Go back to your room...And don't you dare bring in that filth in into my house again..." Maa had pulled Sanyogita closer pushing Kalindi away...

"I will throw this filth out and no one will even know I did it..!" she got up to her feet and seeing herself she straightened herself...! She always had done it.  She had manipulated her pray in such a way that even after the disaster, the other person would end up feeling bad... Who was she? No one knew.  Those who saw her through knew that she was not to be trusted and she was a deadly desease which would ruin others life filling it with emptiness...! Walking out of them was the only solution....  Was it possible for everyone?
She smirked....!

*****  *****
"Oh!" Col Gomez answered the phone and Rini waited shifting in the chair opposite.  She still was feeling dizzy but felt more calmer.  Nilima and Salil sat on either side and were gazing at Col. Gomez skeptically.  Maj. Vicky and Vinit had gone back and Salil had insisted that he would take Rini home.  Rini had submitted herself to her parents.  She too wanted to go home and have a peaceful life. 

Lt. General Singh walked in and Col. Gomez stood up, so did others.  A tight salute and Lt. Gen Singh, Southern Command nodded at Rini. 

"High alert .... Valley floods worsened...!" he said ignoring the civilians. 
"Need to send the team now!" he said urgently.  Before Gomez could respond, he went ahead...!
"Team of doctors, lady officers, and jawans..." he said and Rini spoke...

"What are we waiting for?" Col Gomez raised his eyebrows and Rini saluted bracing herself for the next mission... The flood relief.  Salil and Nilima gaped in disbelief.  A day before, she was suffering from PTSD and now she was ready for her next mission...!

Lt. Gen. A.K.Singh turned to Rini.
"Good...! You are heading the first team...! Chopper is ready.  Get ready in ten minutes... medicines and food packets are loaded.  First five members will move in 15 minutes...!

"Yes Sir!" she saluted and before Salil could react was out of the cabin picking up her sack..!
"See...!!?" Col. Gomez turned to shocked Salil and Nilima...!
"Army persons are Army persons, after all...! You cannot tie them down... they spring back for their motherland...!" Col. Gomez boasted proudly. 

********   *******
"Ravi...!" Dhatri got up from sofa seeing him at the door.  He gave a faint smile and went to his room straight.  Dhatri looked on...

Ravi had synced his mails and was working on his laptop as the company had scheduled his next deployment of security cameras and access control systems...! Dhatri walked into the kitchen.  Mrs. Russel was making Macaroni and Cheese banana bread for dinner.  She waited at the table.  Mrs. Russel turned with the dishes. 

"He is busy...!" Dhatri said and Mrs. Russel nodded.
"He takes dinner in his room...!" she said and Dhatri took the plate from her. 

"I will ...!" she turned with the dish and Mrs. Russel nodded smiling broadly.
"Ravi..." she was at the door with the plate.  He glanced up.
"Yeah..!" he said waving at the side table and busied himself again ...  She lingered for a moment. 

"You carry on with your work...!" she said and he looked up surprised.  She had taken a spoonful of Macaroni and held it up to his mouth.  He just opened his mouth as she fed him.  He ate wondering and she smiled flashing her dimples, happily.  She had found out a way to make it up to him...! Her hungry gudda was happy with full belly...!

182

She grabbed the bathrobe, wrapping it on her naked body, sweating, trembling, sliding down on the floor taking her knees up, clasping her hands around. 

She cried her heart out.  Her husband, her friend, her gudda had tried to hurt her, dragged her into the hell, she had tried her best to forget...!  He was invading her, her fears which she had tried to burry deep under... Suddenly the long buried trauma was unearthed, whipping her! Her hungry gudda had left her heart bleeding in anguish...!

Biting her knees to stifle her sobs she was injuring herself...! The anguish filled everywhere, suffocating her.  She tried to breathe .... floundering on the cold floor, chocking herself...! Time passed, she had cried into her sleep and when she got up she was still on the floor of the bathroom, with numbness paralyzing her body.  She tried to pull herself up.  She couldn't..!

"Ravi...!" she groaned.  In the moment of anguish she could remember only Ravi, her gudda...! The same gudda, who tried till he succeeded in finding her out, when she was kidnapped...! Her gudda, who supported when she was feeling low, when Sanyogita tried to strangulate her..!

"How could he do this?" she shudderred .. ! His bare body flashed... She shrunk...! "No..!" this can't be true..! He can't do this to her..! Her insides burned...! She whimpered with shivers of cold... The same feeling of fear and anxiety...

when once she accidentally had opened the porn website and could not sleep for days together, with her body heating  up seeing those weird, nude human bodies...! She had formatted her hard disk fearing the cookies installed would pop such sites up anytime to flash such nasty, filthy pictures...! There was no excitement, thrill but anxiety and fear.  She dared not to talk about it to anyone..! The scenes kept flashing, giving her bouts of fear...! It was no where near to the normal romantic Bollywood movies she used to enjoy otherwise...! Those obscene pictures kept flashing, giving her hot blushes, making her weaker...!

She didn't understand what was happening to her..! Why her gudda looked like one of them... those nasty people...!

Did he really? she clutched her head...! "No, he can't be one of them... he ..."  For her he was her gudda, her buddy...! She looked up miserably... she had made herself miserable.  She had not only hurt her gudda, she had hurt herself too..! "How would he know what my fears are... What I went through...? He is my husband...!" she thought... remembering... her mamma had tried to knock some sense in her when she had returned home after her wedding. 

"Dhatri...Are you really listening to what I am trying to say?" she had asked her when she got no response from her daughter Dhatri.

"Yes, Mamma... I know what is wedding and relationship... I will handle it.." she had said confidently without paying much attention to what her mamma was saying about physical relations between husband and wife...! She was confident about Ravi that he wouldn't do anything against her wishes...! She was sure...! But then...  How would he

Her mind was all distorted...! She sobbed harder...first time she felt so helpless and guilty...! The silence outside was killing... Ravi had gone away... far away from her...! She had thrown him out...!
With efforts she brought herself to her feet and opened the bathroom door.  Gathering her clothes, she pulled her night dress on.  Ravi was nowhere ...! She sat on the bed all lost, not knowing what she would do now? Where she would go... if Ravi had abandoned her...! The wrist watch kept on the table chimed and she shuddered. 

"Ravi...!" she cried hiding her face into her pulled up knees...!


"Oh!" Ravi opened his burning eyes and looked around.  He didn't know when had he dozed off.  "Dhatri... " the worry had returned. 

"Is she ok? " he got up to his feet and hurriedly went up to the elivator...! He stood but couldn't tap on the door.  What would she do? Would he be able to face her?  But he had no choice...!

"Dhatri...!" he knocked and Dhatri jumped to her feet.  Within a moment she opened the door.  He stood before her, avoiding her eyes.. she turned into the room.  He came in.  Both didn't know what will happen next...!

"Coffee..?" she blurted finding her feet.
he ordered...! She stole a glance... It was evident from his swollen eyes that he had not slept... she looked away guiltily.  He waited awkwardly for the coffee to arive.  She made patterns on the carpet with her toe.

He poured the coffee.  Kept one on the table.  She took it.  He was avoiding her...! Guilt took over.  She was his wife.. he had every right to...She again shudderred with the night's experience.  He sensed it...resolving that he would never touch her again..!There was something wrong, terribly wrong with her...! She stole a glance at him..! He had busied himself in packing. 

"Are we going back? Or is he going alone, somewhere? What will I do now?" she looked lost again. 
"P...Packing...! " she couldn't complete. He just gave a slight nod without even looking at her.  He had started packing her things too, to her relief.  He was not abandoning her...! He was taking her along...cutting short their pleasure trip...!

*******   ******  ****

She opened her eyes to find him before her eyes.  She blinked blankly.  Where was she? He took her hand in his, counting her pulse.  She didn't resist.  The effect of tranquilizers had made her calmer...! Another face appeared from behind, giving her bouts of guilt.  Vinit gazed at her.  She had tried to kill herself.

"How do you feel?" Col. Gomez suddenly sounded very kind and affectionate.  She just nodded overwhelmed with his concern.  The otherwise, very stern and strict Col. Gomez sounded kind and fatherly.  The nurse brought in a mugful of coffee and she sipped silently sitting on the bed.
"Take care..." Col Gomez marched out followed by Vinit.  Rini's eyes followed them to the door.  She sighed.  "What had happened to her? what made her emotionally unstable? Was she losing it? Was the trauma taking toll on her? Was she that worthless, what she felt she was..? " The feeling of worthlessness was so overwhelming, she just pulled the blanket over her head closing her eyes, tears rolling down... the was braking down... physically, emotionally...! She needed someone to cry her heart out, someone to hold her and say, she was worth something.. She was the pillar of strength for everyone around... now crumpled under pressure...!

"Rini...!" she heard her mamma and threw the blanket away... Her mamma... was here for her... was she hallucinating? Was it a dream... ? For how long she had been in her peaceful slumber...?She closed her eyes shut not wanting to come out of that dream...!

Col. Gomez and Vinit stood at the door hoping the right effect. Salil turned his face wiping his tears... Rini needed someone badly to vent out all the negativity, she had piled up in her mind for so long...!

"Rini..." Nilima pulled her up in a tight assuring embrace and Rini broke down, crying her heart out...! Nilima kept patting her, stroking her head... let the catharsis be over...! She knew her Rini would come around Strong, like a rock again...! She knew...!

Vinit watched them with moist eyes.  The decision to take her family members in confidence about her unsettling feelings and PTSD had prove correct. 

181

“Dhatri...!” She staggered to her feet, startled.  He stood before her smiling broadly. 

“Finished?” she asked.  He just nodded.

“How many?” he winked.  She looked at him angrily and said...”18,072” Last count... She flashed back  “And that too only this portion...98 per square inch...” she showed half of her head.  and he pulled her braid, laughing his heart out..!

“You are just impossible..” She pursed her lips...!

“Come on... let’s eat something...” he pulled her hand.  They gulped some stuff and coffee and he hurriedly went into the Court Room.  She sat at the back watching him...! His testimony continued.  The company had filed 4389 documents right from Systems Audit, to Layout chart, the electrical map, original and severally revised diagrams of surveillance cameras and access control systems..! The camera which was allegedly installed inside the washroom, though from the same company, was not consigned in the same lot as other 324 camera consignment.  Clearly that was installed later buying it from the open market...!  

One hand-drawn layout map with the signatures of the Security officer’s seal and signature turned the case.   Bil and Ravi were joint owners of the project and Since Bill had not accompanies Ravi on the closure, Ravi had explained the layout and deployment diagram and insisted on physical audit by the Security officer himself and had gotten the approval from the Security Officer.  The Cameras were not installed.  The number of installations and the spare cameras to be deposited, together didn’t match the litigant company’s claim.  There were no installations in any of the restrooms....! 

“Chalo...!” Ravi came and pulled Dhatri up.  The cross examination of the security officer had turned the tables.

“Dhatri walked out behind Ravi...!”

“Where are we going?” she asked and Ravi looked at her happily.

“To celebrate...” he said and squeezed her shoulder.  She grinned back.  

****  ****  ***

“What was that?” she asked feeling elated...!

“Brazilian mahua...” he teased her.  She looked away sheepishly.  He had ordered some exotic drink for her.  She had liked it.  Pungent, fermented smell had given her a kick but she had contained herself... to only Tiger...! Ravi had only coke...! She felt thrilled and excited for no reason, grinning, sniggering, and at the best of her ventriloquism...! she had confused every staff calling out in their manager’s tone and making them run around, obeying the weird orders from him.

“You know? That lady... I mean... San... I mean...” she didn’t know what to call her.. Mom? Mother in law?

“Humm?” he knew whom she was referring to...

“She.. she said you two looked so good together...” she said looking down, feeling a little sad...! He only raised his eyebrow.

“Ummm... I mean... Sa...Samantha and Y..you... “ her stuttering had returned with nervousness.  He didn’t say a word.  She didn’t drag it further.  But somehow her elated mood had disappeared.  He drove back silently and once in the room, caught her from behind.

She turned around pushing him with force.  “Don’t ..!” she moved away from him.  He came to her...!

“you believed her?” he asked.  She hesitated a bit... “No... but you two looked great while dancing..” she confessed, that the thought had crossed her mind.

“And what about us? When we were dancing...?” she looked up at him confused... he smirked and taking out his smartphone.... flashed a picture...of him kissing her...! Her cheeks changed color...!

“Hawwww.... How did you? “ she turned her reddening face and he grabbed the opportunity gathering her in his embrace. 

“Jim’s gift..!” he blew on her pale face giving it a pink shade..! “Hawwww...How mean..” she turned away from him.  But he was not to let her go...!

“Dhaa....” he was moaning kissing her furiously, pressing himself against her.  Her body contorted, muscles tightening... something weird was happening...!

Her hungry gudda seemed strange, unknown....She wriggled to set herself free.  He just pulled her closer making his moves to remove all the hurdles between them... She lost her voice... her thrusty throat chocked... catch in her throat strangulated her...

“Umm...!” she groaned in pain when he mounted himself against her... ! He was turned on, Intoxicated by her struggle..! The riot of aggressive emotions were overwhelming... he was making his way to imprint his mark... Claim his ownership...!

“Oh! Dhatri...” he groaned thrusting and she went numb.... she was thrown in the dark, deadly, bottomless well... sliding faster... she had lost her voice... no one to pull her out... that Bad Minister was raising his hand.. pulling her between his legs... the red blue flashing lights were screaming her name... she was crying... someone was turning her insides out... she was helpless... unable to speak... she was being stabbed....

“No...No...!” she groaned in pain... and the next moment the room filled with her screeching screams...!

“Damn!” he immediately pulled himself away... she was screaming her breath out...!

“Dhatri...Dhatri...” he tried to pull her up... she gave a forceful frantic kick in his chest throwing him off guard and jumped out of the bed.  The next moment he heard the bathroom door bang closed.

“Dhatri... are you ok?” he tapped on the door.

“Go away...” he heard her shrill scream...!

“Are you ok? Did I hurt you? Dhaa...” he was panting with shallow breath...

“Just go away...” she screamed her lungs out...! and he staggered back.  Dressing himself up hurriedly he came back to the door...

“Ok...!” he gave up.  He heard nothing from inside....He waited pressing his ear to the bathroom door.

“Dhaa...” he called out in panic.

“Go away...!” she yelled .... he could hear her sobs and groans...! He had hurt her beyond repair... she was in pain... he couldn’t do anything but wait outside worrying for her....!

“What did I do? Did I hurt her? Is she ok? How can I reach her...?” he didn’t know.  Helplessly he waited leaning against the bathroom door.  The door didn’t open.

“Dhatri..” he called out worriedly.

“No! Go away...” she yelled from inside and he yelled back in frustration..

“Yeah.. ok! I am going...!” he went out of the room closing the door behind.  He walked into the corridors, down in lounge and sat there burying his fingers in his hair.  His head spinning in shock...!

“What did I do to her..?” he was just puzzled.  He had had sex before, and never had expected this reaction for his indulgence....! 

“What the hell did I do....?” he got up with a jerk...!

“Damn... I felt she was responding...” he was damn sure that she was responding.  This was not his first time...! But that was her first time... 

“Damn...!” The tightness made him  explode in frustration.  Mere thought of her in his arms had turned him on again... and again...! The intoxication had taken over his senses.

“Damn you Dhatri...! Why didn’t you tell me you have a problem...!” he threw the magazine in frustration...!

“How may I help you sir?” a polite Stewart came over.

“Nothing...” he brushed him aside and sagged into the couch.  All the happiness of his testimony getting over satisfactorily went down the drain... the magical dinner with her caught fire in his heart...! He closed his eyes settling himself on the couch.  There was no point knocking her door...! 

180

“Dhatri? “ He opened his eyes. She was not in the bed.  He hopped out in panic.  The bathroom door opened and he breathed.  

“I am ready..!” she said throwing the towel on the chair.  He looked at her fresh face.  He was to see his lawyer in the morning and then to go to the Court for continuation of his testimony.  She was all dressed up in jeans and white shirt and a black shrug...!

“What..?” she asked waving on his lost face.

“Haan?” he jerked out of his trance. 

“Go! Get ready..!” she pulled his hand..!

.... ...

They were waiting for his lawyer outside his office on the fifth floor of the building. 

 “Dhatri...Come with me,  It will take a lot of time.....!” She looked up

“No! You go! I will wait here...!” He hesitated to leave her alone.  Taking out a book he glanced at her, dislike appearing in her eyes, she said, 

“I will wait..!” 

“What will you do Dhatri?” he asked and was surprised with her reply.

“I will count the hair on my head..!“ She snapped angrily, turning and sitting on the chair outside the office in the waiting area, without a word.  He sighed sitting by her sighed stifling his grin.

She nudged him pointing at the receptionist calling his name.  He picked up his bag and hurriedly went inside.  Dhatri was all by herself in the waiting area..!

******  ********

“Not a good sign...” Gomez blurted watching the high voltage drama outside.  Vicky, tried to run forward but Gomez held him back. 

“Don’t!” he ordered.  His assistant walked in with a file.  He shook his head flipping through the pages.  Vicky was at the door. 

Not at all a good sign, Maj. Vikram...!” Col. Gomez said gravely holding out the file.  Vikram scanned the pages.

“PTSD coupled with psychotic depression...Low self esteem...~” He blurted out mournfully...!

“Suicidal tendencies...!” the possibilities gave him a blow...!

“She needs help...”

“infirmary?” Vicky couldn’t comprehend. 

..  ....

Outside:

 Vinit stood still with his hands up.

“Go away... else...I will pull the trigger!” she yelled with red face.

“Ok!  I will... Please, Rini... don’t do this..! I will go...!” he pleaded helplessly.  She staggered back.  He tried to step ahead.

“No!” she yelled, still holding the gun tightly to her temple.  There was nothing left for her... She had lost her pride, her glory, everything in her life.  Dejected resentment and sadness took over...! Her finger twitched on the trigger...! 

“No! Rini...! Ok. Ok. I am going...Please...!” he walked backwards away from her a bit.  She was sweating profusely, sweat running down her forehead, her face...! 

“Please... Rini give my gun back...!” he said kneeling down on the lawn.  She stood there like a lifeless statue.  

“Rini... Please.... stop this... Let me take my gun... Please...!” he still was on the ground, she still pointing the gun at her head.  

“You are a strong person, Lt. Dharini...” he said hoarsely and she shook her head...

“No... N..o...” her voice faltered as she closed her eyes tightening her grip on the gut...!

“Rini... Look! I am sorry... I will just go away... Give back my gun please...” Vinit pleaded again unusually submissive.  

“I want to end this.... End my life...!” she blurted... The memories of her trauma flashing, mixing up in one another, the dead bodies floating... the fire rising up in the sky, suffocating her, the rapes she was made to watch without blinking... the naked she was asked to remain in her cell for days together, with other prisoners watching her hungrily... ! If eyes could rape, she was raped several times for several days...! The women in the group were abused and killed brutally... There was blood everywhere... She was floating in that stream of blood... Her lifeless body stopped struggling... she was asked to kill her own cell mate... she was running ... the mirage was still ahead... she was thirsty... she was dieing... her soul was whipped... snatched away from her heart....!

“No...!” the gun dropped and Vinit leapt up holding her, carrying her inside...unconscious...! Gomez came up and guided him to the infirmary inside...! Medication injected... she went into deep, calm, dreamless slumber...! Vinit came out wiping the sweat.  Vicky watched her steady breath and peaceful posture....! Vinit was in the office of Col. Gomez, the Psychiatrist!

“This was her first time...!” Gomez said sliding few more files...!

“Her team members in the mission...!” Vinit flipped through the files...! 

“Six of them have resigned, we are reconsidering, three applied for paid long vacation, two developed lung infection and other health problems, rendering themselves unfit for duty...!

“All these were experienced, undercover soldiers..and had gone through warlike situation...! Were helped to overcome their PTSD...!” He said and then looking into his papers said,

“There is a peculiar pattern.  They all gave the same scripted reports... repeated that same stories... made themselves miserable narrating the events... Not a single word was different...” Gomez went ahead.

“We had taken all possible care... the papers were to be deliberately slipped out... the prescription of medication was to be kept on body....! She did exactly what was told to her, not knowing the implications... ! She didn’t even looked into the papers given to her.  Strange..! She didn’t bother to know what she was into.”

“What she reported was only a part of her trauma... The official version of her mission...!” Gomez said and vinit looked up aghast.

The trauma would kill her...if not treated...!” Gomez said and Vicky nodded his head gravely. 

“This happens with first timers...” They just break down...! The statistics says, 46% retire ahead of time, 35% resign and very few continue...! 

“She is a strong girl...!” Vinit blurted in denial of her plight and misery.

“She is a first timer in many senses... “ Gomez enlightened the situation...!

“She is the first one to join armed forced with no Services background at all... She was the first junior office to be a part of such a fierce and deathly mission... Probably she had not seen deaths before... ! 

“Imagining bravery, glory, war, adventurous missions, patriotism, service to nation etc etc... is different Than facing the reality in warlike situation...!” Vicky thought gravely. Vinit’s stone face showed no expression.  Vicky got emotional...! “She should leave... after the short service commission..!” he thought.  

“Every trauma leaves a scar behind...! She needs attention” Gomez said scribbling something.  

Vicky glanced at Vinit.  His face showed no emotion.  He had placed back his gun in holster..!

“Ok Gentleman...!” He dismissed the young officers...! 

Rini in her deep slumber was at peace transferring all the worry and anxiety to Vinit and Vicky...! 

179

“Haaff… Huff… Huff..!” She panted clutching a stitch in her sides…! He sat huffing and she tried to push him to make room for herself. 

“What? All Exhausted?” he teased her blowing on her face.  She flared her nose angrily. 

“One year… Or more…! I don’t remember when I did this last time..!” she said trying to steady her breath.  He laughed.  She turned her face angrily.  He still had the energy to tease her and she had lost all her strength even to breathe.  He took out a chocolate, she grabbed it.

“Thank you..!” she made a big favour, thanking him. 

“Humm.!” He wrapped his hand around her shoulder.  She leaned on his shoulder, grinning, wiping the sweat from her forehead.  He again blew on her face giving her cool shivers.

“Aahaa…!” she closed her eyes, shedding her inhibitions…!

“This was great!” she huffed, he grinned.  He could feel her opening up to him a bit.

“Dhaa…!” She looked at him still panting and leaning on him, clutching his arm. 

“I want to tell you something…!” he said and she just nodded looking down at her feet.

“I mean… I was in relationship before…!” he said and waited for some reaction from her.  He got none.  She kept gazing into nothingness.  He sighed.

“I mean.. twice…!” he said and she looked at him.  “Why is he telling me this, when we decided not to discuss our pasts…?” she looked up questioningly. 

“I mean, Samantha…!” he looked at her and she looked away.  “Does he mean that girl at the party?” she just sighed. 

“I was in serious relationship with her for two years when we were together at University…!” he said gazing somewhere else.  She refrained from reacting. 

“And then there was Jakie, who worked with our company…For a very short time…!” he confessed tightening his grip on her shoulder, as if not letting her run away from him. 

“Samantha… I mean, everyone expected us to get married…!” he said emphasizing the seriousness of their relationship. She stared at her feet. 

“Then we broke up..!” he said.  “Why?” she asked not looking at him.

“May be… I didn’t like her enough to commit..!” he said,  There was a total silence but then he broke the silence again. 

“Jakie… I mean.. we both were not serious at all… It was … like…” he didn’t know how to tell her that it was only for her Bs and Bs…! No involvement…! Parting was easier…! Parting was easier in case of Samantha also.  He just had walked away.  They had continued to work together, but there was nothing left between them. 

Dhatri refrained from looking at him.  He waited for a while and then asked…!

“Were you in relationship before?” he asked her casually.  The question triggered her rage..! She looked straight into his eyes…!

“I come from a country called India, from a small District place called Vidisha..!” Getting up she started walking away.

“Dhatri…” He caught up with her.

“Do you even know, what is a relationship?” he asked her and she stopped.

“What does he think? I am that naïve?” her rage saw no boundary.  He held her hand.

“Dhaa… That was my past…!” he said apologetically and she spat back..!

“You promised not to discuss our past..!” she accused.  He hung his head.

“I.. I thought I should share this with you…!”

“Let us go..!” she said blankly.   She walked with him silently.  The long shadows followed them as they walked facing the setting son.  He had booked a day long trail in the wilderness park giving her a pleasant surprise, reminding her of the treks into the deep jungles, racing with her to reach at the top of hillocks and slipping, sliding deep into the valleys…!  

“Are you upset?” he asked her when she was unusually silent on the dinner table.  She shook her head a bit.  “No!” she said and he took a sigh of relief smiling broadly, squeezing her hand.  She focused on her food. 

“He didn’t like her enough to commit… but he married me, without liking me?” she thought.. for the first time, on her own, without her didi prompting her…!

“Why did he marry me?” she suddenly asked looking up into his eyes, thinking to herself.  He was gazing at her.  As if sensing her unasked question he spoke..

“Dhaa.. I married…” she just had enough of it, raising her hand she stopped him…!

“I am done with my dinner.  I think I should hit the bed..!” she got up and walked away leaving him behind, stunned.    

.”Don’t you want to know, why I married you, Dhaa?” he asked her when she was about to disappear under her blanket.

“No!” She said…! “You married me.  And nothing can be done about it now…!” she said pulling the duvet over her head…! He sat beside her on the bed for a long time, puzzled about her reaction to his revelation…! “Does she even know, what is marital relationship?”

*********  *********  *********

“Rini…!” he tried holding her hand she moved away.  “No!” she said raising her hand as if she was untouchable. 

“I still want to marry you…!” he directly came to the point.  She was rendered speechless.

“Marry me? Why? You were the one having cold feet..! Now what happened, Maj. Vinit Sir? Pity? Sympathy?” she asked furiously.  He held her hand and she went cold.  He looked into her eyes thoroughly hurt.  She turned her reddening face. 

“I am going …!” she said getting up but he pulled her back. 

“Why?” she was pained.  He sighed.

“Don’t you know? Or is it another round of this so called Exit Interview? Stabbing me to death..?” she asked bitterly.  He just held her hand not letting her move away from him.

“I don’t care, what it is…!” he said firmly.  She gulped some air feeling suffocated.

“And I know…! You are diagnosed HIV positive.. And I don’t give it a damn!” he spat.  She was taken aback.

“Have you lost your good senses?” she aske furiously.  He gripped her shoulder.

“Yes…! You made me lose my senses, Rini..! I won’t let you go…!” She looked away dejected.

“Are you crazy? Don’t you understand? I am of no use…!” she said with resentment.  She was no good as a human being, being contaminated with deathly virus and she was no good as a soldier, as she would be rendered unfit for her duties…!

“Just let me go…!” she tried freeing herself from his grip.  His clasp tightened.

“You can’t walk away like that…!” His anger appeared in his eyes.  She stood looking at his furious face unable to understand the cause of his rage.

“Sit here..!” he ordered. 

“What you would have done, if it were me?” he asked the dreaded question.  She fell silent..!

“What she would have done? She would have gone ahead as if nothing had happened and would have married him…”

He was glaring at her piercingly.  She hung her head.  She can’t put his life in danger… she can’t ruin anyone’s life…She must go away…!

“Rini… That time, on the hospital bed, I said No, because I didn’t want to ruin your life.  Doctors feared that I won’t be the same again physically.. might lose my .. umm.. powers… I mean reproductive powers… I might not have a healthy sex with anyone…” he said it in plain terms..! She gaped shocked.

“Now the tables have turned… Maj. Sir..! But ironically, I am at the receiving end in both the cases..! She said bitterly. 

“Look… I am going to marry you anyway…!” he said decisively and she shook her head.

“Not this time..! I am prepared now…!” she said and with one swift movement pulled out his gun and held it to her temple…!

“Go away… else I am going to shoot myself…!” she yelled taking a few steps backwards..! He just raised his hands in surrendering…!